Alice tattoo 5th sitting, and maybe a little life update

I'm neglecting my poor blog again! And I feel like all I have done this year is repeat myself about how I need to blogore often! But there it is. Life just happens sometimes and I need to stop beating myself up about things I do/don't do/feel like I should do...

When I last mentioned what's going on in my real life, I mentioned my PMDD and anti-depressants. I had a little review of the treatment last week, and whilst I felt like the medication was helping, I still had an awful couple of days when I was ovulating, so my doctor recommended that I take them every day instead of just 10-14 days out of the month.  I'm actually ok with it. If it's what I need to do to feel better and to be the best possible person (mother, wife, friend) that I can be while I am experiencing this difficultly with my hormones, then I am all for it.

I think maybe I will do a wedding preparations post, because I am supposed to be going shopping for craft supplies with my auntie next week so we can sort out all the DIY decorations I have planned.

Onto the most dramatic change then, I finally have Chess coloured in!!

Safe to say I am pretty much in love with him. I like to imagine Stephen Fry's voice on my arm like some sarcastic guardian angel.

Alice in wonderland sleeve tattoo: 3rd and 4th sittings

So I thought I would post some update photos on my Alice in wonderland sleeve tattoo, of the last two sessions because I didn't post about it the last time. The main reason was because normally the artist takes the photos when we finish for his Facebook page, and then I just save those for my own purposes, and last time he didn't take any because there wasn't too drastic of a difference that could be seen since the last time because a lot of the session was spent doing black shading between the hearts and a bit of colouring in the tree branches and mushrooms.  First I show you a before picture from the second sitting.

Here's what's new:

I'm more than happy with the way it's going, even on the first sitting it was better than I could have ever imagined and it just keeps on getting better. It's funny because this time around Rob had to work so I was there on my own (Rob normally comes in with me even though he gets bored, he just really likes being in tattoo shops because it's such a familiar atmosphere for him, ha) and I really enjoyed it. It was two hours that were purely self indulgent mummy time, spending money on myself and getting to just sit there happily swimming in my own thoughts. I think the hair metal Ben was playing definitely lifted my mood though... lol. I just really enjoyed the sitting this month. Anyone else out there find their pain place a nice head-clearing place to be?

Up and down...

I just can't seem to get it together with blogging this year. Since the puppies were born I just sort of dropped off of my blog and for that I apologise. The last of the puppies went to their forever homes two weeks ago now, excluding Odin because we are keeping him, so since then we have been transitioning him from being a litter member to a family member of the household. And for some reason I decided it was a good time to potty train Reegan so I have not only been running around after a toddler but a mischievous puppy too, feeling like I'm just trying to get everyone in the house civilised enough not to poo or wee indoors. Lol.

In my last post I mentioned that I am currently very happy. That is still the case but it's just a little more complex than that. For five years I have lived without sleeping pills or anti-depressants and I was feeling pretty confident in my abilities to function without them. But lately my cycles have been pretty intense, causing erratic and shocking mood swings. In the throes of these negative waves I have frightened and shocked myself. I have felt the urge to self harm and behave in other self destructive ways, feeling as though I should punish myself to gain control over these emotions. The thing is, when I'm fine, I'm completely fine. When I'm not I'm at rock bottom again. In one of my more severe mood swings I called my mother in a panic and she drove and hour to me just to get new to stop crying, and convinced me to go to the doctor. Who thinks I have PMDD - pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder- basically a severe form of PMS. So I am trying out just taking anti-depressants during my PMS symptoms to see if that helps.

Who knows. I'm writing this in the middle of the night because I have a stinking cold and my dear other half is snoring his pretty nose off. Good to be back though.

Running away from me

I don't know how it's suddenly almost five months through the year, but here we are. Time really has run away from me ever since we moved into our own place, probably because I'm feeling more contented and fulfilled in my life than I ever have before. I do have a lot on my plate still, and obviously life isn't perfect, but as I like to say about my Sunday roasts it's a constant evolution towards perfection. My own peculiar perfection that is.

Already the puppies are five weeks old and in only three short weeks they will be leaving us. The thought of letting them go fills me with so many emotions. Ultimately, I will be sad to let them go because I love them all dearly, but we are happy to have found nice families for their forever homes. They have all come into their own personalities so much the past two weeks or so, to the point where when two of the girls aren't wearing a collar I can tell them apart by personality alone. Well, I can because I know my babies better than anyone else does! Poor Inca has had enough of playing mummy now, they are almost fully weaned and she only spends time with them at night (although if she can drag her bed out of the puppy pen she will!) and when they go outside together she has started to show interest in playing with them. As soon as they go for her nipples she doesn't want to know and makes a quick exit.

The beginning of April marked my 22nd birthday, which actually I wasn't all that enthralled about. I felt like it was crossing a line into true grownuphood  (yes I made that up) and I don't think I like it!

This week we had a meeting with two wedding vendors about the food and the marquee, which has made me feel a lot better about how close the wedding is getting. October 1st is looming and by the time Rob and I are married we will have a two year old daughter. Reegan is only just 20 months now but she just seems insanely grown up all of a sudden. Her vocabulary is expanding daily, her sponge like little brain learning new things constantly. She can count to twelve on her own, and grasp concepts like the weather and communicate her feelings about it. Example, "Raining mummy! Stop rain! No! No rain!"
I was having a bit of a mood swing the other day and when Reegan saw me crying she said "Sad!" And gave me a hug. Needless to say that was all I needed to cheer me up!

Funny story, we took her to the amusements when we were on holiday, and when the whack a mole game thing she was playing finished she said "Ah fucks sake!" Completely of her own initiative. We do try to mind our language around her but nobody's perfect! LOL.

I'm really enjoying parenting a toddler now, but having such an independent child is tugging on my ovaries a bit. I'm really wanting to have another baby soon, but we are set on waiting until we are married now, for a few reasons. I have a friend and a family member who have both recently had babies and it's making my broodiness so much worse! I joked when the puppies were born I was going to start lactating again. Maybe it's the lovely fertile spring behind all these feelings? Who knows!

I'm back!

I felt like after nearly four weeks away from blogging, I have really missed writing. I kept getting this niggling feeling, this itch I couldn't scratch, a feeling like there was something I should be doing but couldn't remember what. I realised that itch was blogging, even though after the puppies were born I made an unofficial decision to take a break for a little bit. Taking care of all of our dogs, as well as my almost-two-year-old  (when did this even happen?!) and all of the other things I have on my plate this year. I still have a lot of wedding planning to do, as well as a reupholstering project I'm doing for the pub on the side of my part time job. I was supposed to be taking my theory driving test soon but I lost my provisional licence so that's going to have to be put on hold too. That and I've barely done any revision whatsoever, I've always found it difficult to motivate myself to study.

So everything I've been juggling has been getting on top of me just a little bit. I haven't been leaving the house much because I can't leave the dogs unattended for too long, so whenever I've actually had to go somewhere Rob has taken a half day at work or one of our friends had come to sit with them for me. As a result of not leaving the house so much, I've been relying on the TV a lot more to entertain both me and Reegan, which in turn makes me feel like a rather lazy parent. I also haven't felt like wearing makeup or clothes other than leggings because I feel as though I have to reason to bother making an effort just to do housewifey shit. All this just means I haven't had as much to blog about in my life in general.

I've rediscovered a little of my inspiration now though,  and I'm hoping to get right back into blogging now! I feel like I've missed a lot of other people's stuff going on, so I'll try and get reading and commenting now!

The puppies are here! A first time breeder's experience...

As most of you know, we (well, fh decided to really) made the decision to breed our Doberman bitch Inca finally. To be honest it's something we have been considering for a couple of years now, and since she isn't working anymore (who knows we may start again) it seemed like a good time. We waited months for her to come into season (by normal standards she was due in October but she seems to have a longer cycle than most) and she finally came into season in January. We found a lovely stud dog to mate her with and she happily obliged (lol).

So after five weeks of waiting we got her an ultrasound scan last month to discover four perfect sacs each with a wriggling puppy bean inside. Little did we know there were three more hiding in there! She's been behaving like she might go into labour since last weekend and every night last week we went to bed betting there would be puppies by morning, so Monday morning I really wasn't expecting it to happen because it was daytime. We were just pottering about our daily activities and I popped my head into the dining room where we have the whelping box set up, and there Inca was with a look of terror on her in her eyes and the head of a puppy protruding from the birth canal. So I instantly went to sit with her and made a hasty phone call to Rob to come home immediately, I was shaking and adrenaline was pumping! It took a further ten minutes for Freyja to be born, and although Inca cleaned her up quick and nipped the umbilical cord she wasn't that interested in her until puppy number two, Helga, was born. Then she had a little while snuggling with the two of them until she was ready to birth the next pup.

Black pup Freyja, brown pup Helga

Then Ziggy came along, another black female, with a tiny bit of meconium staining coming out with her waters. I was a little concerned until two hours later puppy four, Odin was born breech. So that explained the longer gap and possibly meconium so I felt ok that he was born safely.  Unfortunately I was not prepared for the devastation of the next male, Bjorn to be born dead. It was awful. He also came out breech and I had to gently help him come out as he seemed slightly stuck. As soon as he came out, his mouth tongue and nose pale and white, we knew he was gone but Rob still tried his best to revive him. He wanted to bury him immediately but I didn't want to bury him at all. I sat there cuddling him on or kitchen floor, sobbing, trying my best to love him as much as I could before he had to be buried. I just needed to feel like the tiny pup had experienced some sort of love before we laid him to rest.

Sorry if you guys didn't want to see this.  I just didn't want Bjorn to be forgotten.

After Bjorn came little Lagertha, the brown runt of the litter. We were surprised for her to be born because it had been another two hours in between births and we were starting to wonder if she had finished. Suddenly though we noticed more contractions and suddenly she popped out like a little furry lightening ball! Another twenty minutes or so later and the seventh puppy Ingrid was born, also quite quickly with only a couple of pushes.

I have to say, I'm feeling quite proud of Inca, for birthing seven puppies in as many hours, with a relatively straightforward labour. She stayed relatively calm and quiet throughout the whole thing and as you can see from this photo she was positively glowing.

We had some teething troubles getting her not to sit on the puppies and crush them, as well as some gentle encouragement to feed them because she's the type of dog that prefers to curl herself up into a ball to sleep. For the first two days we supervised them all almost constantly and it was bloody exhausting, but gradually she has been getting better. Until this morning when we came down to find poor lifeless Freyja had been squished. We had been up with Inca several times in the night and thought she was doing OK,  but accidents do happen I suppose. I just can't get over the guilt of feeling like we could have done more to prevent it. We buried her next to her brother Bjorn without Inca noticing.

So evidently it has been quite the emotional roller coaster for us the past four days or so. I'll post more updates soon if you guys would like that.

Getting them all to feed at the same time was quite the victory.

Makeup rules? Eff your beauty standards!

For most females, beauty and cosmetics is something we become aware of from a very young age. When it comes to wearing makeup there are so many things that people say about it, from your grandma to your older sister to beauty magazines there's always someone trying to tell you what to do or that you're doing it wrong. Regardless of their intentions or their credentials, who's to say they're right? Alternative and goth subcultures specifically are known for rule bending looks on the more extreme end of the scale with heavy coverage foundation and dark rimmed eyes, black lips and shaved or extremely manicured  brows. Not to say that everyone belonging to those subcultures will be sporting those looks mind you, because whilst makeup is a big part of thelse kinds of looks in isn't the defining factor of identity for goth etc.

So I thought I would do a little debunking of these so called rules, just to let you all know that you can carry on expressing yourselves no matter what the world is telling you. Because obviously you need me to tell you that. 

Eyes or lips. 

It's like the old "legs or boobs" rule, you can only get one out or you risk looking like a slut. I don't beleive in either of these viewpoints, because, hey, people should be able to express themselves however they see fit. I mean picking eyeshadows and lipsticks that compliment each other can be intimidating but when all you're wearing is black you can't go wrong, right? 

Match your lipstick to your nail varnish

Who in the real world has the time for this much thinking ahead?! Get real.

Don't tweeze above your eyebrows, only shape underneath for a natural brow

Personally,  my natural eyebrows are pretty horrific. They are huge and messy and have long coarse hairs, which I trim with scissors and then pluck the shit out of them, top and bottom. I feel like there is a huge obsession with eyebrows in the mainstream beauty world at the moment, and it really really baffles me. Ten years ago thin brows were fashionable and sought after, and now you will see articles slating the thin brows in favour of youthful bushy ones. Each to their own I suppose, but again a lot of goths tend to shave their eyebrows and draw them on everyday in fun shapes so as to make upkeep easier.

The link  for this picture is actually from one of those eyebrow articles

Only wear warm or cool colours based on your skin tone.

Argh makeup is supposed to be about freedom and creativity why must we impose so many rules like this?! I don't actually know if I have warm or cool skin, nor do I know how to tell for someone else's skin, so I think most people are highly unlikely to look at your average Jane on the street and say "wow that eyeshadow is NOT working for her warm skin tone at all". I think everyone should be free to experiment with colours and not be restricted by skin tone, eye colour or any other classification that means green eyeshadow is off the table for them.

Apparently this  is how you would know which one you are

Don't wear eyeliner or mascara on your bottom lash line

OK,  I don't know who the hell thought this one up.  Without eyeliner on at least my top and bottom waterline I feel naked, and I tend to put a lot of black on the bottom lash line to match the upper lash line or it feels unfinished. According to some beauty know-it-all's it can make your eyes look tiny, but without mascara on the bottom lashes I feel it can look very top heavy. Some people like heavy eyeliner ok!

Stay away from dark eyeliners

Well we don't want to risk looking goth now do we? How tacky. If you really must wear one make sure it's only at night time on a very special occasion, during the daytime just cover your eyes in glitter instead for a lovely fresh disco ball look.

Source

Avoid false eyelashes for everyday use

Sorry to say, false lashes are just too much for daytime wear. Only the very skilled in false lash application can get away with it, and even then individual lashes are vastly preferable to strip lashes. Well people, I must respectfully disagree. In my opinion, mascara just doesn't do much if you have average eyelashes. False Lashes just add so much more dimension to a look. They just make it so much more awesome. Can you tell I'm an addict?

Source

Heavy foundation is not for every day

So they say that full coverage foundation is just for night time and special occasions (again with the special occasions!) It is recommended you use a foundation that is a shade darker than normal to accommodate your (gasp!) suntan. Some people have skin issues and things they want to cover up, and personally I like pale foundation with full coverage to cover as many of my freckles as possible. Most people that work at beauty counters in shops try and match me a foundation that is much to dark for me because they are going for the freckle shade and not the colour underneath. Surely if my whole face looks tanned my freckles will dissappear? Ha. No thankyou sir. Not quite your white grease paint but not far off.

In conclusion, please don't tell me I'm wearing to much makeup. Sit the fuck down and let us paint our faces.