Little holiday

So last weekend  we went on our first family camping trip, just the four of us. The baby, the dog, me and the Protector of our Realm. Rob and I used to go a lot before Reegan was born and our dog Inca would usually sleep in with us and steal all out blankets, but she had to sleep in the car this time because she is in season and we were worried about her squishing the baby in the night. It was also the first time we used our new tent, a four man standing height that has inflatable tubing rather than poles. IT WAS AWESOME. We got it as an investment, so that we could have affordable family holidays for years in it and the fact that it's inflatable meant that Rob could assemble it in about five minutes just on his own whilst I entertained the dog and the baby.

We went to a place in Devon called Park Farm, and it was a really nice family campsite with lots of animals and lots of random trampolines everywhere. Really great for kids and the grounds were clean and well kept and the facilities were lovely too.

Reegan playing in the tent

Family selfie at Powderham Castle with Rob doing the babywearing.

My yummy cream tea at the Castle 

On the second day (after I spent the first day collecting leaflets, because I have a notorious obsession with them) we decided to visit Powderham Castle, because it was only half an hour away from where we were staying. It wasn't huge, but it was very beautiful. I managaed to take pictures outside, as you can see from the lunch we enjoyed in the Castle courtyard, but due to their insurance policy you are not allowed to take pictures  inside and you can only take the guided tour, no tour guide:no entry. The castle belongs to the Earl of Devon and I think it was his son or grandson that was just moving back in with his family that day. I have never visited anything quite like it, our guide was very friendly and relaxed, and had lots of audience participation with sending children to find the secret doors and such. Every room had a story and there was so much family history surrounding it all, you really do feel as if you are a guest of the Earl himself, with his family photos, portraits and heirlooms in every room. We were even treated to a little personal story from his son about a pair of haunted  sea shells he had recently placed on a shelf. I ended up taking the tour by myself whilst Rob spent time with our girls in the sunshine and I enjoyed it all the more because  of this. So sorry I can't show you any pictures  but if you're ever visiting the South West of England, south south I mean, then Powderham castle is well worth a visit I can assure you. It is also where the staircase scene from the film Remains of the Day, so if you have seen it you can imagine how incredible the rest of the house is.

In conclusion we had a short trip, but successful and wonderful and only the beginning of the many memories we will make together as a family.

I lost myself....

I feel like this past year or so I have been stuck  on this wild ride of complete life change, things have turned  upside down and I feel as though I lost my identity along the way. It's  only very recently  that I have started to feel like I'm  'out of the jungle' of new motherhood and the dark places I have been to are fading memories. Of course sometimes they still come back to bite me in the ass with stinging clarity every now and then. My hormones still  haven't  settled down yet and at times I feel positively  evil, but the bad times are in the minority these days and I'm  not stuck in constant  mummy mode any more.

When I was pregnant  the thought of losing my sense of self was a scary one, and I was determined to go through pregnancy, birth and new motherhood still the same as before. Unfortunately  it does change you, but I think for the better, because  I have now realised that I am still my own person, just with a few improvements and a lot more life experience. I have learned  a lot about myself in this past year, and actually  become proud of myself and who I am.

I used to spend 24/7 with my daughter  in her early days and weeks, we were bonded, like so many say 'the motherbaby' because throughout  the fourth trimester a baby's  needs for her mother are so great and they are almost the same entity. But slowly Reegan has grown, the transition of her starting on solid foods once she could sit up, leading to her crawling and now almost walking has really helped in healing my broken state of mind. Don't  get me wrong  I love being a parent and being depended on by this incredible little person is a privilege, but it really drains you, emotionally and physically. Our breastfeeding journey is almost at it's end, and whilst I feel  ecstatic to have gotten this far after all the difficulties at the start, I feel it is the last step between the most challenging babyhood and new toddler independence (?!). I already am feeling different  because I have more freedom to dress as my truer self and not think that as a mum I shouldn't be wearing baggy jeans and boring cardigans. I dont feel bad leaving her to dye my hair, and I put on makeup more often than not now, which  is a big thing because when I felt like I  didn't  have the time to put it on or was too tired and it really made me feel shitty and a bit alien. Being back at work has also given  me encouragement to focus on persuits outside of my domestic comfort zone. I have goals now. I'll  share them with you in the hopes that it will  keep  me on track!

• Attempt making my own clothes like I have been promising myself for so long
• Book some driving lessons! This is a hard one though because I still feel apathetic towards the notion of it and still am not sure if I have room in my life for it right now. 
• Buy that German language course that has been sitting in my Amazon "save it for later" for more than a year.
• Carry on working on the dolls house. Something I have not seen to for some time now. 
• Start writing again. I have projects that I never finished from about 3 years ago, and finally I have decided to resurrect my plans for publishing. I'm  sory of doing market research at the moment. It really is my lifelong dream  to be published. I have been writing since I was about six.

Wish me luck?

Fifty shades of green

So. I have been planning this post literally  since  about January, and just haven't  gotten around to it until this weekend. The original inspiration was  Lime Crime's Serpentina, and I thought  long and hard about buying it after I bought one of the velvetines last year but because Lime Crime can be expensive  I didn't in case I ended up not liking the colour and never using it. Fortunately for me the cheap highstreet (but may I mention still cruelty  free) brand Makeup Revolution brought out their Atomic collection in October I think it was,  five 'brave shades' of highly  pigmented lipstick.

Their version  of the Green lippy is called Serpent. Original yes. So I used it as the starting point to build the look upon and ended up using pretty much every bit of green makeup I own. I also used Directions' Alpine Green the last time I dyed my hair  so it's  looking a bit dark and blue in places.

I started with an eyeshadow primer, and then used a light minty green for the inner corners. I then blended a deep matt green from the middle  to the outer corners and patted a shimmery green on top, also using the matt green for the lower lash line. Next I patted a very small amount of black onto the upper and lower lashline to define everything  a little bit, and blended white eyeshadow along my brow bone all the way up to my eyebrows. To finish my eyes I used my super spiky false lashes and mascara, and then foundation when my eyes were finished because I tend to make a mess with eyeshadows! I finished with the Serpent lipstick on my eyebrows and lips, and then patted the mint green shadow onto the middle  of  my lips for an ombre effect. Lastly I did a teeny bit of contouring with a medium matt green, although I don't actually  think it shows in the photos.

Product list:

NYX HD foundation 01 Nude
Too Faced eyeshadow primer
Lunatick Cosmetics eyshadow in Lustful Lilly
Sleek matt eyeshadow shades Dragonfly and Cricket
Urban Decay eyeshadow in Dragon
Lunatick Cosmetics  eyeshadow  in Summon
Makeup revolution  Atomic lipstick in Serpent

**Disclaimer: none of these products  were sponsored, I make these posts of my own free will.

Quick one

Just a teeny update to tell you guys that I'm  having even worse computer  troubles  than before, so apologies  for being really infrequent  with the blogging still.  But I HAVE finally joined instagram so come find me! User name lexingtonze1st

More updates soon I promise!