Wednesday, 18 May 2016

Up and down...

I just can't seem to get it together with blogging this year. Since the puppies were born I just sort of dropped off of my blog and for that I apologise. The last of the puppies went to their forever homes two weeks ago now, excluding Odin because we are keeping him, so since then we have been transitioning him from being a litter member to a family member of the household. And for some reason I decided it was a good time to potty train Reegan so I have not only been running around after a toddler but a mischievous puppy too, feeling like I'm just trying to get everyone in the house civilised enough not to poo or wee indoors. Lol.

In my last post I mentioned that I am currently very happy. That is still the case but it's just a little more complex than that. For five years I have lived without sleeping pills or anti-depressants and I was feeling pretty confident in my abilities to function without them. But lately my cycles have been pretty intense, causing erratic and shocking mood swings. In the throes of these negative waves I have frightened and shocked myself. I have felt the urge to self harm and behave in other self destructive ways, feeling as though I should punish myself to gain control over these emotions. The thing is, when I'm fine, I'm completely fine. When I'm not I'm at rock bottom again. In one of my more severe mood swings I called my mother in a panic and she drove and hour to me just to get new to stop crying, and convinced me to go to the doctor. Who thinks I have PMDD - pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder- basically a severe form of PMS. So I am trying out just taking anti-depressants during my PMS symptoms to see if that helps.

Who knows. I'm writing this in the middle of the night because I have a stinking cold and my dear other half is snoring his pretty nose off. Good to be back though.