Sunday 29 March 2015

Visiting small places when you look a bit strange

So just last week we took Reegan on her first family holiday to the little costal town of Tenby, which is in Wales. I say "family holiday" but we stayed in a caravan belonging to one of our friend's parents,  with our friends and Reegan's aunt and uncle also, so more of a friend holiday really, but we tend to count our friends as family anyway. It was soooo nice to just get away from everything,  and although I didn't really want to come home at the end of the week I have returned feeling a lot better about life in general. I have been aching to get away for months now, because I really like to travel and I love feeling like we are far away from home or in the middle of nowhere.  It gives me valuable perspective.  My kind of holiday definately isn't your average sun-sea-sand holiday most people enjoy, in fact that really isn't my idea of fun at all. I prefer to go out and DO things, like go to museums and tourist-y crap like that. Usually only if it's something historic or cultural though. Thats just my brand of nerdiness.

Anyway, what this little trip really got me thinking about was my experience of other people noticing me and how it differed from the city where I live and what I usually experience when out and about at home. I think in general us alternative types who live in or close to the city must have it a lot easier than those who live in small towns or the countryside. Obviously this idea stems only from my own experiences so I would be interested to hear what others think on this. The city I live in isn't even that large at all (you can pretty much walk around the entire centre of town without needing a car or other mode of transport at all, and a lot of people cycle everywhere) it just happens to be very culturally diverse, especially the area I live in now as opposed to where I lived four years ago. The funny thing is at home, I seem to have days where most people don't give me a second glance at all and others where it feels like literally everybody is staring and every other person I meet will stop and say they like my hair colour or something along those lines. I used to put it down to some days wearing more casual clothing or makeup and others feeling a little more gothed up, but the three years I have had unnaturally coloured hair I look abnormal even when I think I'm dressed down.

When we were on holiday even though WE were the tourists I felt as though we were the attraction (The boyfriend with the shaved head, beard and tattoos and me with my dark clothes and green hair). People stared A LOT. Most of them weren't even malicious or judgemental, just innocently gawping as if we were street entertainers or characters in costume, even the locals in the shops and bars were taken aback. I still got a lot of hair compliments though, and most of our conversations ended up being about our baby or our dog anyway. That's another thing, I think Welsh people are generally very nice, and whilst Bristolians and people from the South West can come off as grumpy we are generally a pretty tolerant people. In the UK I think Goths and alternative types face a lot more stigma in the north of England than in the south, especially judging as Manchester was the first city to truly recognise alternative subculture as a hate crime motive and make positive steps towards a solution to the problem. Although I personally would put this down as a direct result of the horrific murder of Sophie Lancaster in 2007, which I am sure you are all aware of. But what happened to her did serve as a catalyst for change,  and her mother and all those involved in the Sophie Lancaster foundation are the amazing people who drove for those changes.

So here's to them.  And to everyone who ever experienced unpleasantness because they were brave enough to be true to themselves.

11 comments:

  1. It is nice that you get a lot of compliments when people notice you! I know I have been complimented on my hair a lot by older women in my area which is not a small town but not a big city either. A small city, you might say? I tend to find I get more compliments when I am really dressed up, for instance I got two compliments the day I was wearing a floor length layered tulle triangle cut black faery skirt! I think people appreciate when people dress up maybe?

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    1. I definitely agree there, I too get more compliments when I'm dressed up. I think they really do :)

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  2. I live in a city so I dont stand out much but I still get gawked at.

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    1. Definitely get that one too. Theres enough people to almost blend in but when people get a closer look...

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  3. Bristol certainly has the alternative vibe it's fantastic city to visit, but I think it seems similar to Newcastle as it's defiantly a Student City, so I tend to find these places are more tolerant. Newcastle had a great alternative scenes, and find the Geordie are pretty open and friendly. However, Like everyplace has their idiotic tosspots, When I was teenager I beaten up for my dress style and encountered a lot negativity from my family for it, yet I think this has made me a stronger person and tolerant about people.

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    1. That's definitely a good point on the student vibe, I never went to uni so I never thought about it like that! I'm sorry to hear about those people, some really are idiotic and I can never understand people who would demonstrate intolerance in such extreme ways. Even just their intolerance baffles me, and makes me sad that they should be so close minded. good for you that it has made you stronger, especially facing such negativity from family, I am lucky that mine have never treated me differently at all and I don't think I would cope without their support.

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    2. That's definitely a good point on the student vibe, I never went to uni so I never thought about it like that! I'm sorry to hear about those people, some really are idiotic and I can never understand people who would demonstrate intolerance in such extreme ways. Even just their intolerance baffles me, and makes me sad that they should be so close minded. good for you that it has made you stronger, especially facing such negativity from family, I am lucky that mine have never treated me differently at all and I don't think I would cope without their support.

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    3. Thanks for your comments the negativity I encountered was during my early teens, but considering I'm 26 years old my family and I have learn't it's part of me. They still joke about me but now i'm strong enough to deal with it and shrug it off. On reflecting back my mam was just thought it was phase but I would grow out of it,she still make occasional comment about it how I should get out black and change my image, especially when in Malta how can I wear black in 35 degree heat. I've explained I'm used to it and I wear cool fabrics. I think also my mam see's her free spirit in me as she was bit of hippy with excentric tastes for clothing and love or rock music

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  4. I'm glad they are much more accepting of you now. Family is really important to me and I think thats where we build our roots and I believe their support is all you need and the rest will not matter :)

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  5. Certainly agree, I think for me I'm not that close to my family and I don't see much of them, especially considering I have two gorgeous nephew . However, for me what's been important is reconnecting my relationship with my mam. Obviously, you sound as you have a great family and support network along with the cutest daughter

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  6. I really hope you rekindle your relationship with your family :) everyone deserves such a support network.

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