Childhood dreams and measuring happiness

In today's society we are surrounded with so much technology and vast consumerism,  it's hard to escape the pressures from social media and corporate advertising. We are bombarded with so much media content day and night,  and whether it's a need to buy the latest and best television for your home or to prove ourselves to others on social media it can be hard to just live life in the moment and allow the little things to make us happy. It's too easy to put a glowy filter on every photo,  tag every friend, anything as long as everyone can see that you are having a great time and living the life.

Obviously for thr kids of today the world is a different place, even for people of my generation (I'm almost 21) the world we grew up in was a rapidly changing environment from those before us. Kids grow up too quickly, childhood innocence doesn't last anymore. But it's nice to think back about the way I saw the world as a child, my hopes,  dreams and aspirations.  The sky was the limit then, anything was possible.

One of the only childhood photos I have of myself. Haha!

I do think that if my young self could see the woman I have become, she would like what she saw. I grew into my teens having a bit of a thing about making myself more feminine and never quite feeling girlish enough. I never much liked my birth name (Alex) because people would assume from just paper that I was a boy, and on the discovery that I was in fact female they would then say things like "well obviously your full name must be Alexandra. Its not JUST Alex?" I hated that. Plus the fact that Alex is a very common name and when I would hear someone call my name I would then hear "not YOU, the other Alex." So when some members of my family started calling me Lexi I stuck to it and it's now the name I go by. I suppose thats one good thing about becoming an adult;  if you don't like something about your life, you have to power to change it.

When I was really little I wanted to be a princess or a mermaid, like most girls that age. I can say after having had red, blue, purple and now green hair that mermaid status has been achieved!

My own little family. 

And as you can see above, I now have my own family unit. That was another "all I want when I grow up" thing. Maybe my aspirations were never huge, but as an only child coming from a single parent family I just wanted to have babies of my own with a father who would always be there for them.

I think what I am trying to say with this post, is that sometimes in life it helps to look at the smaller picture. Things may not be going completely swimmingly for me just now, but if I look at my life from the point of view of my inner child, its alright.

Batfit update

As we are now in the second month of the year, I thought it was about time for a little update on where my Batfit progress stands. I really don't know where the time has gone just lately. I feel like I am floating in a strange limbo of time feeling like everything around me is moving too quickly but I am moving too slowly. I don't know how it is February already but at the same time Christmas feels as if it were far behind me. I'm going to be very honest here, because I haven't really been able to talk about it much to anyone, but it took one simple question from my health visitor for me to break down and realise what was going on: are you ok? No. Postnatal depression has crept up behind me and tainted everything. It's ok because I'm getting help now, I'm not going to say any more about it except that I am waiting for some cognitive behavioural therapy and just trying to get on with everything else.

I went to my first ever pilates class last night, and walked out at the end of it feeling refreshed a little bit rejuvenated.  It took alot of guts for me to walk in there and participate in exercise in front of people I don't know. Ever since I was made fun of in PE at school I have been terrified and ashamed to exercise,  especially in front of people. But I did it, and I enjoyed it. And for that one hour I lost myself in my concentration,  focused on correct breathing and positioning and not thinking about anything else at all. Not even about my baby, for that one hour I was not a mum, nor a girlfriend, a responsible adult or a depressed one. For that one hour I was free to just be. Exist without worry or guilt or any other shitty feeling I have experienced lately. It was peaceful.

I hope to keep going every week, as well as take Saturday mornings for myself to do things on my own. These little things are my light at the end of the tunnel and my first step back to normality.  I also go out walking every day, at least once to go and get my fresh fruits and veggies (ok mostly veggies,  I don't like fruit that much) and we normally walk the dog in the evenings too. So I'm getting a reasonable amount of exercise,  eating my greens, and doing a bit of soul searching.  We will get there, in the end.

What's in my bag? And yours.

I know it's probably rather late to jump on the band wagon for this one, and I haven't been tagged or anything,  I just wanted to do one because I'm nosey and like reading personal stuff like this. It feels like you get to know the person a little better for seeing the kinds of things they value important enough to carry on their person. So I'm going to show you guys what's in my bag, but I also want to see what's in YOURS. Come on, satisfy my inner voyeur ;)

My bag, from Jawbreaker, a christmas present from my cousin. I really love this bag because it's both pretty, and large enough for all of the crap I carry around. It was also perfect timing as my previous bag had reached the end of it's life span, and I generally only have one bag at a time and don't buy a new one until the current bag is completely falling apart. About every year or so.

Next up, my scarf, also a Christmas present. I use this scarf all the time because it's soft and thin and so easy to carry in my bag if I'm not wearing it. Plus it has a really cool vampire skull pattern going on, and the grey colour means it goes with almost everything in my wardrobe.

Baby muslin cloth. Because babies are messy and it's good to have one close to hand as well as a spare in the baby bag.

Cat mittens! These are the best because they are actually those fingerless gloves with fold over mitten parts, so they're both practical and cute! I also admit to owning a matching hat...

Sunglasses. VERY IMPORTANT. I don't enjoy sunny weather (honestly) so any time I get caught without these I end up in a bad mood. Silly!

This has to be my favourite purse ever. Coincidentally, also from Jawbreaker.

Coin purse with cat ears! While Frankie holds all the important stuff and the paper money, kitty purse is strictly bus tickets and jingly money.

Black velvet makeup bag. Contains all my essentials; inhaler, mirror, lip balm, eyeliner, mascara, tweezers, eyelash glue, eyelash curlers, and generally a lipstick or two.

Keys. Obviously. Some of these keyrings are old and grubby, and you can see poor Jack is unravelling and strangling himeself with his own string. And thats all the interesting stuff I suppose, although there are a few other items I tend to keep with me also such as Reegan's hat mittens and booties, a water bottle,  antibacterial baby wipes (for the stuff not the baby) and lady things. Ahem.

So who else shall join me in showcasing the contents of their bag?

Teacups, bunting and a quick FOTD

So I finally finished my baby bunting project! Rob took Reegan out for a couple of hours on Saturday morning so that I could have some mummy time, so I painted my nails, put a face on and did a quick bit of crafting. It took me a while to unpick all the stitching I had already done for the first letter (I explained in my last post how i began the project hand stitching and ended up using the iron on adhesive stuff because the stitching was taking forever) because I don't have one of those unpicking tools for some reason. So I just sort of pulled and snipped as best I could.  There wasn't any damage so I managed to reuse both the letter and the section of bunting it had been secured to.

The finished result up on our bedroom wall. I say our bedroom because Reegan won't have her own room until we are rehoused. Not that that would make alot of difference to her sleeping habits though,  as she sleeps in a cot attached to our bed, although mostly ends up sleeping cuddled up to her mama. Sigh.

In other news, I haven't showcased any of my teacups in a while, and I have a few new ones added to my collection.  But also last weekend we visited a little local museum and Rob treated me to a new book from the gift shop:

It's basically a a beginner's guide to tea and coffee cups, and hopefully it can prove some sort of guide for identifying some of what I have in my collection and help me learn a little more about them. Because I really am a novice, I just buy ones I find in charity shops because I think they're pretty. I can also put them in a display cabinet when we are rehoused.  See all my hopes and dreams are pinned on that at the moment? Yeah...

So as promised my quick FOTD. I wasn't even wearing much makeup at all, it just turned out that was I did end up wearing had a fairly nice effect. Plus I put my lashes on. I always feel better with lashes on.

My only niggle about this look is the lack of coverage, because I'm wearing BB cream instead of foundation, because my skin has been really dry of late. The main focus here was supposed to be lips, because I love my Velvitine lipstick and I don't use it enough. But as you can see I went a little mad on the eyeshadow too. I used a deep shimmering pink all over and under the lower lashline too, with just a dab of baby pink at the inner corners. Slap on the falsies and finished off with mascara.  Done!